Day 3 6/10/11

I woke up this morning.  I saw that the sun was still shining.  It kind of shocked me... but there it was in all it's glory.  Joe and I have split up and the sun still came up.  Reminds me of that Reba song:


Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep
Then I cried myself to sleep
So sure life wouldn't go on without you
But oh this sun is blinding me
As it wakes me from the dark
I guess the world didn't stop
For my broken heart

Clocks still tickin' life goes on
Radio stil plays a song as i try to put my scattered thoughts in place
And it takes all the strength i've got to stumble to the coffe pot
The first of many lonely mornings i'll have to face
You called to see if i'm ok i look out the window and i just say:

Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep
Then I cried myself to sleep
So sure life wouldn't go on without you
But oh this sun is blinding me
As it wakes me from the dark
I guess the world didn't stop
For my broken heart

I guess the world ain't gonna stop
For my broken heart


My heart is broken into a million pieces, but I don't think it broke in the last few days, I think it broke years ago. I feel like I just kept gluing the pieces back together, but they just kept falling off, till now. Now it is just shattered and there doesn't seem to be any glue strong enough to mend it.  But I know that I have to put the pieces back and I know I can.


I am going to go to an OA meeting tonight.  As I mentioned before, I think my best chance to gain some focus is a 12 step program.  I'm hoping that it will be the key to getting some control over my life.  I've laid out some goals, here is what I have so far.


Mental Health-12 step program, create a routine, 
Emotional Health- Be good to myself, meditate, breath, talk, talk, talk, cry, cry, cry,  keep crying until you have released all of the poison in your system from the last 47 years
Physical Health- get to dr so that you can go back on your thyroid meds, eat healthier and at regular intervals. Cut out bread(its a trigger), cut out sugar, lower carb intake. drink more water
Spiritual Health- this is going to be the most difficult, go back to Church, read Bible every day, pray, pray and pray some more....


These things are my focus. I honestly do not know where this will all lead, but where ever it is, it has to be better than where I am right now.


Matthew 17:20  He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”