ok, it has been almost another 10 days since my last post and I feel AWESOME.
I can not even explain it. I don't know if it is God that saved me, the hypno therapy mp3s I have been listening to, or all the reading I have been doing, but I feel like a new person. I wish I could go back in time about two years and tell myself to stop being stupid and get on the ball, take your darn pills and start praying for a miracle.. maybe I would have avoided causing myself and everyone around me so much pain.
All of the anger that I felt before is gone. All of the pain and anxiety I felt, gone. I wake up excited every morning and I want to do something, but I miss my girls and I miss Joe. I feel like I have no one to do anything with and it will only get worse once Tina goes back to work... that is two weeks away... :o( .
My mom and my sister have been so awesome to me. They have encouraged me and supported me through all of the Hell I have been going through. Listening to me cry about the same thing again and again... and again... I couldn't have done that, at least I couldn't have before.. I think I could now.
I have a clear idea of what I want out of my life and right now that does not include a man. Although I hope to retain Joe as my friend, I honestly can not imagine my life without him in it. It doesn't seem possible, but I guess I am going to have to get use to the idea.
Anyway, for today, I am doing great. I feel strong, I feel whole.. I feel like I want to start having some fun....
God Bless
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